Moving Forward from Sex Crimes
I read ULK 61 and it gave me the idea to finally speak up. I spoke with my loved ones on me sharing a bit about my current situation, and they agreed it was a great idea to share my conflicting story.
I was arrested in 2013 at the age of 16 for a sex crime on a minor under the age of 14. The victim was a relative who was very close to me. Being sexually abused myself at such a young age, I know how my victim might feel. The difference in my abuse was I was 9 years old when a 43-year-old man took advantage of me in the worst forms possible. I started to use heavy drugs at the age of 11. I smoked meth and PCP, and did mostly any drug that I could get my hands on. I was under the influence when I committed the crime. Even though I only remember small pieces of that day, I had to be honest with myself and my loved ones. I was sentenced to 5 years in prison for what I did.
Now that my victim is older she has forgiven me for what I did. My mom and other family members stood by my side. They knew I needed help. The drugs were taking over my life.
Being so young in prison really shattered my innocence and what little of humanity that I had within me. My transition from juvenile hall to state prison was terrifying. I was afraid that I wasn't going to make it home. I was beaten, humiliated by COs, sexually assaulted by my cellies.
I had lost hope. I didn't want to accept that I was being categorized as a sex-offender or a cho-mo, even though I was a youngster when I committed the crime. I attempted suicide at least 7 times while in prison. I tried to hang myself, I cut my veins, and overdosed several times. I couldn't come to terms with having to register and all the other obstacles that I would have to face. I'm not this weird old man who gets off on watching little kids, or has a rap sheet for being a predator. That's not me.
Now that I'm going home soon, my family support was giving me a glimpse of hope. They want me to write a book to tell my story. I'm not this animal that the state painted me to be. I just had a messed up childhood that led to traumatic events. Some of my counselors in juvenile hall used to tell me to not be so hard on myself, that I should also take some time to receive help on issues from my past. I'm currently diagnosed with three major mental health disorders: PTSD stage 2, major depression disorder, and personality disorder. I take medication for these disorders.
I don't ever want to come back to prison, I have experienced things in this place that I'm embarrassed to talk about. It would break my family's heart if they knew what was going on with me inside these walls. I'm not asking for sympathy or pity. I just want people to understand to not be so quick to judge or put someone down. In a couple of months I'll be home with my family fighting for my happiness and seeking a better future.
MIM(Prisons) responds: By demonizing everyone in prison who has committed a sex crime (and this persyn readily admits ey falls in that category) we can see how people like this writer, who may just need help to overcome their own history of abuse, are instead terrorized and further traumatized. It's hard to see how this demonization is helpful, or serves to rectify the wrong that was done against a this writer's victim.
Those who can admit to and recognize their crimes against others are in the best position to be rehabilitated and turn their lives to productively serving the people. Writers like this one are setting an example of self-criticism and self-awareness. We hope that ey is able to move past eir own abuse and use those horrible experiences to inspire future work fighting the patriarchy that creates a culture encouraging such awful acts. We embrace comrades who can put in the hard work of self-criticism and rectifying their past wrongs. It does not matter which crimes against the people we committed, it matters that we are learning and growing and taking action to fight the imperialist system that enables and encourages such acts.